Gutted - A cow has eaten my ipod and I want to go back and punch it in the face

[minor_threat]

Beautiful lady update - I have't got much time so will try and make this concise, bear with me!

Walked to the local pub, obviously ipod-less, to drown the past events in a glass of cool Guinness. Barmaid speaks of beautiful lady, she was in pub yesterday, people had been discussing my cow-pod antics, much amusement at my expense. Beautiful lady told my friend I was an extremely nice guy, she used the word "gentleman" (LOL!), friend said I was nice, excellent friend to have, kind, sincere but a bit of an eccentric nut-case. (True I suppose but I should thank him for other compliments as he could have said I was a neurotic creative-type addicted to coffee and chocolate.) Beautiful lady asked what I did for living, wanted to know more about me. Barmaid didn't trust drunken friend to resist making up joke fictional information, so Barmaid told beautiful lady what she knew about me. Then barmaid apologised to me and said she accidentally told beautiful lady that I had joked beautiful lady rode horse like I would like to be ridden. Beautiful lady found this hysterical. Then Barmaid told beautiful lady that although I said I wanted to initially kill the stupid thieving cow, I wouldn't have done, she told her I had adopted 4 homeless goats last year much to everyone's amusement and beautiful lady very impressed. Drunken friend butted into conversation and said jokingly that although I liked animals I wasn't a tree-hugger and I wasn't into hippy-crap or greenpeace. Said I drove a rally car which drinks petrol, has no catalytic convertor, pollutes the earth and frightens all lifeforms when turbo pops and bangs. Beautiful lady looked at barmaid as if to say "what on earth's he talking about?", barmaid said friend didn't like my car because it wasn't BMW, beautiful lady said she loves cars as her grandad used to race them and would like to see my car. So drunken friend actually did me a favour! Ordered a second pint of Guinness to mull this information over and bought a cigar to celebrate potential good news when woman from the postoffice came in (small pesky village, everybody knows somebody!), patted me on the back (no cow pun intended) and mockingly mouthed beautiful woman's name. Something surreal had stirred in the atmosphere and the ipod-god was watching me.

Upshot is: barmaid sold the 'concept' of me to beautiful lady, friend turned a negative into a positive, barmaid leaked confidential information about my beautiful-lady-riding-joke, Guinness made me feel fuzzy, beautiful lady wants ride in my car, barmaid only wants glass of wine in return for informational services offered to beautiful lady, insurance company paying for new ipod. PMSL! There is an ipod-god after all!

 

[Carmic191]

WTG

so your getting a new Pod!! Thank god for Insurance.

Now go take that lovely lady out to dinner, and have a good time/ride and get the barmaid a glass of what ever she wants!!?

P.S stay away from cows!!!

 

[neb]

Invite the barmaid was well?

 

[Spurs]

And invite the cow! LOL

This story is still hard to swallow (unlike your iPod) but am glad your getting a new iPod. Now if i could just find a hungry cow and feed it an iPod?!

 

[macfandave]

Invite the barmaid was well?

And bring your camera!

 

[yinyang]

on behalf of OP, here's the pic of the infamous pod eating cow....

 

[studogvetmed]

I thought the cow was supposed to be "All black and white"

by minor threat on first page

All black and white dopey-looking creatures, so I couldn't really have run over to the far side of the field and identified the offending cow anyway.

Or maybe some where all black and some where all white Cows do come in all colors. There are cool oreo cows that are black on each end and white in the middle.

 

[Carmic191]

u mean something like this????

http://userpages.umbc.edu/~dschmi1/images/cows/cow4.jpg

 

[minor_threat]

I thought the cow was supposed to be "All black and white"

by minor threat on first page


Or maybe some where all black and some where all white Cows do come in all colors. There are cool oreo cows that are black on each end and white in the middle.

Cheers for posting the picture yinyang.

That might not be THE cow of doom, I only had my mobile phone to take a photo with and the rest of the stupid herd were at the far end of the field so I snapped this one because I could get a clear photo without zooming in.

Mr Vet, that's what I'm calling the "freak cow". It has a huge black splodge on one side, brown legs (due to mud) and the rest of it is white. I think they are all fresian cows. (?) There are some really scary-looking ones in the other field - brown, long straggly fur, mahoosive horns for stabbing MP3 players and infidels. I haven't a clue what variety they are but they look like the mammoth off Sesame Street and I would not go anywhere near them.

I'm supposed to be going to the stables again this Sunday morning to meet beuatiful woman and get my CDs back off her. What should I do if the farmer is there? I'm a big guy but he has a shotgun! Should I tell him it was my ipod and ask if the cow has shat it out yet?

The barmaid might let me take a photo of her (she will not be naked though, don't get too excited!). I will ask. Beautiful woman will think I'm some kind of stalker if I start wanting to take photos of her!

I've ordered a new battery for my digital camera. Hey, how about I try and take a mugshot photo of each stupid dozey cow in the field and we vote on which one we think is the hungry criminal?! LOL!

 

[studogvetmed]

u mean something like this????

http://userpages.umbc.edu/~dschmi1/images/cows/cow4.jpg

That's one of the most common type of cow: Holstein.

Stuart

 

[demonic_bunny]

This is probably the funniest thing ive heard in the last 2 weeks...

 

[macfandave]

Cheers for posting the picture yinyang.
The barmaid might let me take a photo of her (she will not be naked though, don't get too excited!). I will ask.

Maybe topless? If she takes offense (sorry, offence), blame the bloody wankers on the Internet!

Beautiful woman will think I'm some kind of stalker if I start wanting to take photos of her

Tell "beautiful woman" that you are the biggest thing on the Internet since the "Numa Numa Dance" guy (we liked that so much, we actually bought "Dragostea Din Tea" by O-Zone from iTMS) and that the world needs to know what she looks like.

You got a fan here in Texas where we love iPods, beautiful women and cows (more or less in that order) and, if you are like the majority of Brits, you will be happy to know that I've voted against Bushes eight times.

I hope your story has a happy ending. Please keep us informed.

 

[thedodgyguy]

So the initial stress was largely moot. Jolly good.

 

[deathbyneedles]

THis story just brightened my day. Stupid heffer.

 

[kingpause]

Hey, if beautiful lady was really cool, she'd bring you a toy cow that you could punch anytime you like, and then take you out for steaks.

As much as I hate that cow, I have to say that the pic was pretty cute. I'd bet it was the same cow: based on how close she got to your phone, she seems to have a "thing" for small electronics and would probably have eaten your phone, too, if you let her.

 

[kingpause]

And congrats on the insurance thing too, btw.

 

[bdb]

I'm supposed to be going to the stables again this Sunday morning to meet beuatiful woman and get my CDs back off her. What should I do if the farmer is there? I'm a big guy but he has a shotgun! Should I tell him it was my ipod and ask if the cow has shat it out yet?

Actually a cow probably won't eat an iPod, just chew it a bit and find it not so tasty. One year we leased some land from the Army and baled hay there; all winter long the hay feeder was littered with M-16 shells and clips that they'd spit out!

So the farmer might have even found the (slightly-chewed) remains of your iPod already!

Great story, anyway. Good luck with the beautiful girl - small towns don't usually have very many of those, so you must be feeling pretty lucky.

 

[minor_threat]

Well folks, my new ipod has arrived at the office! So I was faced with the stupid dilemma of having spare parts (dock, firewire cable, headphone spongey-things, everything in fact apart from the original ipod and headphones). On my way out at lunch I noticed the office junior was listening to an ipod! I asked her about it and she didn't have a dock etc. for it so I told her to follow me to my office where I gave her the dock and firewire cable out of the new box. So they haven't gone to waste. The good news is that I still have 11Gb of music in iTunes so that's uploading now. Needless to say this ipod will not be leaving my sight!

 

[GotGigs?]

So is this office junior competition for Beautiful Lady? Must have got you some bonus points giving her some accesories.

I bet the office junior already had the accesories and is selling them on ebay.

 

[minor_threat]

So is this office junior competition for Beautiful Lady? Must have got you some bonus points giving her some accesories.

I bet the office junior already had the accesories and is selling them on ebay.

Erm, no! Office junior is far too young but at 28 the most beautiful lady in the village is of a similar age to me.