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Gutted - A cow has eaten my ipod and I want to go back and punch it in the face

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kingpause

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Well, as they say in my home country, if you love someone, have a cow eat your ipod and have a complete neurotic, cardiac-inducing meltdown in front of them. If she comes back, she's yours; if she doesn't, it was never meant to be.

And I wouldn't suggest that you go out and buy the cow, seeing as how your 'pod has already...ahem...bought the cow.
 

Carmic191

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Cow

OH Dear God!!

I would have killed and gutted that da*ed animal!! (and told the farmer to send me the bill!)

thank you so much for the laugh though! one of my co-workers just could not stop laughing!!
 

Shufflez

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ROFL (literally) i'm sorry about ur mis-fortune but the way u expressed ur anger and the words u use is just too comical! :D so what are u gonna do now?
 

macfandave

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Here's an idea!

Send the farmer a bill for the very expensive fodder. If she doesn't pay it, take it to the magistrate. I read about that in some English novel -- does it still exist?

If you do appeal to Apple to help with the premature demise of the iPod, I'd leave out the part about wanting to kill the cow. Remember, Steve Jobs is a vegan; I wouldn't be surprised if cow-killing is not a real popular topic at Apple. Hell, he doesn't even believe in cow-milking!

You should be thankful that the earbuds and wire are white and not red. A bull may have charged you!

BTW, the way you freaked out probably cost you your chance to get laid by that very attractive female. Let us know if you score with her -- it'll be the most stunning comeback since Richard Nixon's political career!
 

profscott

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Two questions:

1. Cows eat grasses. How was one able to swallow an iPod?
2. Any update on your progress with the attractive female?
 

Spurs

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I think the girl is out of the question after the fit!!

Just phone apple and say a cow swallowed my iPod, could i please have a new one?

And see if you don't get laughed at!
 

dreph

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Actually, cows eat pretty much anything they can swallow. Apparently the low mobility of their lips and the backwards pointing papillae on their tongues make it hard for them to spit things out once something is in their mouths. As to why they take it into their mouths in the first place, one might suspect that they aren't THAT bright? But so cuute! and soo yummy!

I would be concerned about the battery leaking and casuing chemical burns in the cows GI tract :} Not surprised that the farmer is ####ed, even if you weren't to know about the cows dietary indescretions.

On the bright side horses, sheep and goats are more discerning diners so I doubt you will find any of these species munching your iPod, although goats tend to make some really odd choices sometimes!...supervise your shuffles?
 

vicmacs

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can we see a picture of the beautiful woman? forget the ipod man, its a piece of ####... literally..

but you have to admit... that ipod has the coolest iSkin.... MooSkin :D

funny story, take a picture of the cow filled field, this is interesting...
 

neb

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Everything put in this thread about cows has been saved through notepad and uploaded to my iPod, just for a few laughs when I'm feeling a little down. It's easy to laugh at other people's misfortunes, but what goes around comes around.
 

AlfMaster

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Well, your problem will pass, in the form of cow turd.

BTW, Cows have four udders, not 6
 

minor_threat

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vicmacs said:
can we see a picture of the beautiful woman? forget the ipod man, its a piece of ####... literally..

but you have to admit... that ipod has the coolest iSkin.... MooSkin :D

funny story, take a picture of the cow filled field, this is interesting...
vicmacs,

I think that I would be pushing my luck by saying to beautiful woman: "Hey, we have met each other's gaze lots of times but only spoken at length three times, however, despite this lack of personal knowledge will you allow me to take a photograph of you and put it on the internet?"! Besides, things are progressing . . . more on that later.

COULD THIS BE THE DOZEY, FAT DOPEY-EYED **** SPRAYER THAT ATE MY IPOD AND TURNED A LOVELY DAY INTO DOOM??

I inserted a link to an image here but it will not let me post, saying: "Only established members can post a URL on this site". Can anybody host the jpg, it's only about 16k?

Yes, it might look nice to some of you but don't be deceived, this 4 titted dimwit is a fiend. You'll have to excuse the quality of the photo, it was taken on my mobile phone (Samsung D500) which only has a 1.3 megapixel camera on it. I did not, given past experience, wish to get in the face of a stinking cow with a more expensive digital camera.

It took about 30 minutes to coax the stupid cud-chewing heiffer to wander over to the fence so this photograph was painful to take - okay? The rest of the dozy herd were behind a hedge, probably in fear of their lives after recognising me.

By the way, this cow got so close I could have given it a good punch! But the animal lovers will be pleased to hear I didn't punch it because: A) I can't prove it was this cow; B) I don't condone animal cruelty; C) I'm not that nasty. I did, however, give it a good flick on the nose just so it knows who it's dealing with in future. :D

So . . . the saga continues. I phoned my insurance company to see what they would say but it wasn't a very comfortable conversation.

(After giving policy number and personal details...)
Me: I'm enquiring about my home contents insurance and whether it extends to items which are not strictly within the boundaries of my property
Insurer: Let me just have a look, yes, I can see on-screen that you took out extended contents cover when you bought your policy from us.
Me: Ah that's good!.....
Insurer: Why do you ask, Mr. X? Is there something you wish to claim on under this section of the policy?
me: Yes, actually there is, hence my initial enquiry. I have lost my ipod.
Insurer: "Eye pod"?
Me: Yes, it's an MP3 player made by Apple, you know, a bit like a CD player but you have to upload your music onto it's hard disc to play it.
Insurer: Oh, okay, yes I know what those are. How did you lose it Mr. X? (CUE BIG LIE!)
Me: Well, I was actually out at my local horse stables watching the riders go over jumps, and I rested my ipod on a fencepost along with my jacket. I got distracted and turned to watch something that was going on to my left and when I turned back round again I noticed that something had stolen my ipod. It had disappeared.
Insurer: Something? You say "something" had stolen your ipod?
Me: erm, well, I meant to say "somebody", "somebody had stolen my ipod".
Insurer: Hmm, okay Mr. X. was anything else stolen from you?
Me: No, I had some other things in my jacket pockets but the .... (choosing words carefully) thief must not have had time to rifle through my pockets.
Insurer: Have you reported this to the police Mr. X? And have they issued you with a crime number?
me: Erm, no I haven't reported it to the police and I don't have a crime number. You see, there were very few people about and I didn't actually see anybody physically steal it, but it disappeared from the fence post and after looking exhaustively for it in the surrounding area I could not find it. So I know for a fact that it hadn't just fallen from the fencepost onto the grass, and as an inanimate object it cannot move of its own accord so it must have been stolen, but by whom I have absolutely no idea.
Insurer: And how long have you had your ipod Mr. X?
Me: I've only had it for 3 days, that's why I'm so angry about its loss.
Insurer: Mr. X, we normally require that you report this to the police and come back to us with a crime number they would issue to you, so that we can process this claim through our system. And you don't have the correct information to give me for this. However, I can see from your policy that you have never made an insurance claim with us in 7 years, and you do have a good policy which covers you for accidental damage to all of your personal contents outside the home. So, under these circumstances, I will process your claim under the accidental damage section and as it's a low amount it will not need to go to our loss adjusters for approval. . . . .

So, basically, my insurer thought I sounded very dodgy and my story was odd (but nowhere near as odd as the damn truth!) but because I have a crystal clear record with them and I'm covered up to the hilt for these things (which I didn't know!) then they're getting me a new ipod. :D They wanted me to try and claim for it on my credit card cover but I couldn't do that because I used my bank card, not a credit card.

Damn, I've got a meeting to go to now. Will update on the beautiful woman situation when I get back! Until later.
 

Will F

AKA Barney Rubble
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Phone up Apple and see if they could get it back and repair it

LoL

They will probably laugh so much they give you one for free

That is the best story of losing an ipod that I have ever heard

Brilliant

But I am sorry for your loss
 

yinyang

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minor_threat said:

I inserted a link to an image here but it will not let me post, saying: "Only established members can post a URL on this site". Can anybody host the jpg, it's only about 16k?

PM me and i'll sort something out!!!
 

JonesH

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don't kill

Don't kill the cow. Come on, it's not worth killing a living being for the sake of an iPod... Even though it is sad =(

I must say I'm impressed by your insurance agent though. That was very nice of him.

And I'd be somewhat upset with the folks that told the farmer you had all but abused the cow. Sods.
 
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