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Gutted - A cow has eaten my ipod and I want to go back and punch it in the face

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minor_threat

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So, I received my ipod 3 days ago from Apple. I was so excited and couldn't stop myself watching its progress on the internet as it was shipped from some dark corner in Europe and found its way to my house in England. I've spent the last 3 days obsessively feeding CDs into my powerbook and watch as iTunes rips them and spits them out again. Brilliant!

Today I had a phone call from a very attractive female saying she was going to be at some horse-riding stables nearby and this was my best opportunity of catching her and lending her some CDs. I get so excited I could pee because: a) I would be able to walk there and properly listen to my ipod for the first time, b) she is beautiful and I've been told she fancies me but I hadn't noticed any advances. I'm so naive!

Anyway, I get to the stables and pass the CDs on to her, then take up the offer of hanging around and watching the various horsie people going over jumps and galloping around. Not my kind of thing but hey, she wanted me to hang around so I obliged.

In the next field were lots of cows, a big bunch of dopey looking fat bs'tards idling their way around. This is where my day turned into DOOM. The attractive female needed help with one of the gates into the horse field, so I lay my jacket on the grass and rested my ipod on top of a wooden fence post before walking off to help her.

Then, from the gate I turned around to see one moo-ing son of a heiffer stood looking at my ipod on the fence-post with a hungry look in its big dopey eyes. Before I could shout "beefburger" the stupid cud chewing freezer full of steaks-to-be lowered its head and sucked the white headphones into its mouth, then the wire followed, then the ipod.

At this point I went so ballistic the attractive female thought I was going to explode. I had just witnessed the flea infested, 6 titted dimwit giving it stacks with my new ipod. My ballistic shouts must have startled the cow as the dozey fat dopey eyed **** sprayer turned around and ran off to the far end of the field.

I was about to run after it but was held back by the attractive female for fearf that I would cause a stampede and be crushed by cows and bulls with big pointy horns.

This is the worst day ever. Not only do I have no ipod but the most attractive lady for miles around who once liked me now thinks I'm slightly neurotic and crazy for wanting to kill a cow. I'm gutted.
 

Spurs

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Not only do have to watch out for thieves now cows are stealing iPods!! LMAO!!

Did you leave it playing, you could go back and try and find the cow!
 

iMacc

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minor_threat said:
In the next field were lots of cows, a big bunch of dopey looking fat bs'tards idling their way around.

Then, from the gate I turned around to see one moo-ing son of a heiffer stood looking at my ipod on the fence-post with a hungry look in its big dopey eyes.

Before I could shout "beefburger" the stupid cud chewing freezer full of steaks-to-be lowered its head and sucked the white headphones into its mouth.

I had just witnessed the flea infested, 6 titted dimwit giving it stacks with my new ipod.

My ballistic shouts must have startled the cow as the dozey fat dopey eyed **** sprayer turned around and ran off to the far end of the field.

I was about to run after it but was held back by the attractive female for fearf that I would cause a stampede and be crushed by cows and bulls with big pointy horns.

Not only do I have no ipod but the most attractive lady for miles around thinks I'm slightly neurotic and crazy for wanting to kill a cow. I'm gutted.

Dude, i don't mean to laugh at your misfortune(if you are indeed serious even), but this is THE funniest thread i've read for ages...

:D :D I laughed out loud after only reading the title...:D :D
 
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:D Welcome to the lounge. Sorry to hear about your iPod. I know that hurts after spending the funds to purchase it and have that happen to you but why didn't you put it in your pocket instead of on the fence?

:D That's the funniest story I've heard to date. It's usually people putting it through the wash cycle or dropping it in the toilet or swimming pool but an iPod eating cow takes the top prize.

Thanks for posting your story.
 

minor_threat

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Hey thedodgyguy, that's quite a good idea actually. I had resigned it to the ipod heaven after being consoled by friends with a large whisky. But, there's nothing stopping me going back later tonight (obviously wearing rubber gloves) with a maglite torch and hunting around. It was playing American Idiot at the time, that song should be totally renamed Bovine Idiot. I'm still quite angry to be honest! How the hell can I phone my insurance company up and tell them how I, ahem, 'lost' it? I will have to lie and say it was stolen or something. The thing is, after it happened and I had stopped prancing about in fury and been calmed down by Kate, who thought I was going to have a cardiac arrest, the bovine cud-chewing hunk of crud had mingled with the rest of the herd and every cow looked the same. All black and white dopey-looking creatures, so I couldn't really have run over to the far side of the field and identified the offending cow anyway. What an absolute totally rubbish day. I'm trying not to think about it because I'm winding myself up. I'll have to go along there tomorrow and investigate, it there's a dead cow lying on its back with its legs in the air I think that will be the one. - Poetic justice perhaps?!
 

minor_threat

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Honeybee1236, I had my mobile phone in one pocket and my wallet in the other, and couldn't fit the ipod in as well, and I didn't want to put it on the damp grass or leave it on my jacket incase it was trodden on. How ironic. So it was a sort of spur-of-the-moment thing. You know, the kind of thing you will never live down for the rest of eternity.
 

rooster

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seriously hillarious. i hate to laugh but i cant resist. eff the girl gut the bovine and beat it with your broken ipod. thats justice.
 

Ipodder7

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why didnt u instantly buy the cow from its owner stab its stomach open and pull out ur ipod of course ud have to check all 3 stomachs and how if it was pulled by the headphones did the headphones not fall out of the jack?
 

ham_man

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Oh my...that was funny. Perhaps you should return to the cow and check its stool? :p
 

thedodgyguy

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minor_threat said:
Hey thedodgyguy, that's quite a good idea actually. I had resigned it to the ipod heaven after being consoled by friends with a large whisky. But, there's nothing stopping me going back later tonight (obviously wearing rubber gloves) with a maglite torch and hunting around. It was playing American Idiot at the time, that song should be totally renamed Bovine Idiot. I'm still quite angry to be honest! How the hell can I phone my insurance company up and tell them how I, ahem, 'lost' it? I will have to lie and say it was stolen or something. The thing is, after it happened and I had stopped prancing about in fury and been calmed down by Kate, who thought I was going to have a cardiac arrest, the bovine cud-chewing hunk of crud had mingled with the rest of the herd and every cow looked the same. All black and white dopey-looking creatures, so I couldn't really have run over to the far side of the field and identified the offending cow anyway. What an absolute totally rubbish day. I'm trying not to think about it because I'm winding myself up. I'll have to go along there tomorrow and investigate, it there's a dead cow lying on its back with its legs in the air I think that will be the one. - Poetic justice perhaps?!

I neer thought an iPod would make me research cow digestion, but your iPod could be quite badly chewed up if what I'm reading is the case. I'd suggest going back tomorrow mulch... I mean lunchtime to check on things and have a poke around, as it were. But also going with the reading I've been doing, it's unusual that the cow should munch on the iPod as well as the earphones.
 
Last edited:

thedodgyguy

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I mean lunchtime

And of course, this gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "My iPod is the sh!t".


Sorry. I had to get that out of my system.


Er, I mean... no, never mind.
 

yinyang

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i hope this somehow works out well for you, though i would be tempted to make use of said bovine, by turning it into some commemorative leather iPod cases ;)
 

Kristiano

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Dude, dude, dude. That has to be the funniest way ever to lose an iPod....:)

I'm sorry though :(
 

Pagemaster717

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ROFLMAO. FUNNY. sorry bout ur ipod...i would eat the cow for steak. 99% chance says ur ipods gone to heaven....
 

iZON

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LMAO! If you wait long enough it'll pass through the cow's five(?) stomachs and land in a steaming heap of...

...cowpod.
 
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