The new American reneck wife Jokes:
I have worked with women for over twenty years and hear are some of the funny things I have heard from them. Disclaimer: these jokes may not reflect my personal or private life.
The new American reneck wife Jokes:
1. Everyone calls you T-R-O-U-B-L-E when you walk through the door and they write a song about it.
2. When your neighbors only visit on holidays with the cops looking for their children who just had a hot dog at your 4th of July picnic. (Those traitors)
3. When there is not enough charm in the heavens to fix your husbands rejection.
4. When you are talking to the neighbors and you have to defend the position that your house does contain some dirt. That your husband would gladly state that your house is the most chaos house on the street. But the neighbor is not convinced.
5. When your recipe book is dedicated to Big Daddy Bruno.
6. You get a call from your daughter who wants you to watch a baby you have never met. While the mom is out of town who can not pay. While your daughter is out of town and she wants to pay you to watch the baby. Who you have never met but the rest of the family has met.
7. You visit your lawyer and he state “They just do not like you” you have no case.
8. You go to work and you get fired for doing a good job. (Hint: Do not bring pictures to work for the bulletin board they can attract to much attention.)
9. The neighbor waits 45 minutes after your husband leaves to get his hand bit by your dog after he sticks his hand under the fence. He wants you to open the door. There are five other guys on the street.
10. While cooking together with friends, they add salt to your gravy.
11. After talking with your mother, she informs Princess Di of the date your husband is going to file for divorce for your wrong doing. Just to inform her that Charles has never given up on his first love that he visits at least once a quarter. She is disappointed not that he has another but that she had some other motive.
12. They move you back in training because they have no one to teach you.
13. You get lumped in with the boss even though you do not get their salary. When the boss gets canned you do to. (You always get along better with the boys so it seems on the surface.)
14. The elders want to take it away from you. Just because they can.
15. If you feel rejection then they get to comfort you.
16. Isolation can be a god send and a prison sentence at the same time.
17. Remember they will protect their buddies 90% is at stake.
18. Your children will abandon you if you prove to be too difficult to divorce. Yet, if you divorce then the gang recruitment begins for them.
19. Domestic violence is a great tool to get those whom they don’t want to follow to stay and for him to go to your best friend for comfort.
20. Traveling abroad needs one of his buddies to show up and validate his status.
21. Never threaten to cross the boarder in elude of a divorce. It can cost you your job.
22. Lack of creditability is essential for plundering and pilfering. Wine and other drugs are essential tools for those who want what you have.
23. Your son states that if you went on the “swap wives” TV shows that the other husband would not be nice to you either. (There is no hope.)
24. Some how it is always the women who have it out for you. But, it is the men who are always looking back and listening for clues. They are so coy.
25. The competition gets more money for the job that you do. Plus, your kids get braces for free if they win. (foster care way to go)
26. When you take the five year old child down the block for an ice cream and two years later they still are calling him an outlaw.
27. You are nice by helping a young mother who just gave birth by saying you hear her concerns and you just started World War III. (After all how is half of the county going to eat if she is happy and well cared for? Who is going to run around with them if she has bunch of young ones running after her.)
28. If it is not tape recorded or video taped it did not happen. Even if you tape it and they are found to be silly. They just say well “they don’t like you” you have no case.
29. You’re not a heart patient you have asthma No Aspirin, dyes or sea food products please. What is the big deal with sharing this information?
30. When considering a prison guard by moving around to much and traveling; just hope he is federal. They are “hot”. Monkeys see no evil, hear no evil, and most importantly say nothing that may take offense to those who have your keys to your cell. (Like your husband) This includes comments made at work. They don’t call it the old buddies system for nothing. They are the keys to a happy home. I always wandered why I was not trusted to hold all the keys.
31. When the prostitute defends your husband by saying to you “you’re not creditable or trust worthy”.
32. When you and your husband are arguing and he makes you feel sorry for your female neighbor who is getting radiation treatments that are twice the required normal dose. You quitely inform him of the mortality of his male friend who is married to this neighbor by stating: the patient is radioactive therefore anyone close to the patient has equal increased risk. Two days later the radiation therpy stops.
33. When the conversation from a friend tries to convince you that “blood sucking” from your husband should be consenual, however you already believe your there everytime you go to pay the bills. (Thank god for the red cross)
34. When the Palestine refuges plight by being a refuge sounds a lot like your own families stories. When they were middle class land owners in West Virginia and now even with education, they just can not seem to hold the jobs. (Way to go bullies)
35. When you look at the web site
http://www.localharvest.org/ you notice that the strip joints out number the farms in West Virginia. Registered Farms are 21 and Strip joints are 84. It is true less jobs in the field only know one cotton picker she is in her seventies. Working the pole is now the prefered job for this population. At least, they are working behind closed doors.