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Topic: Your Best Jokes - Post 'Em Here

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Old 06-01-2016, 09:33 PM
#16
 
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 7

Quote:
Originally Posted by janeausten View Post
A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
Haha that was awesome
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Old 08-15-2016, 09:49 AM
#17
 
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 15

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
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Old 08-17-2016, 05:03 AM
#18
 
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 16

Quote:
Originally Posted by janeausten View Post
A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
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Old 08-17-2016, 05:05 AM
#19
 
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 16

A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.

The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.

The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."

The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either."
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Old 02-02-2018, 09:01 AM
#20
 
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 10

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and ... cola."

"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. "I'm not sure; I was born with them."
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Old 04-04-2018, 08:26 PM
#21
 
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 5

Q: What do the latest iPhone applications do?
A: Whiten teeth and perform LASIK eye surgery!

Yes to these new features in the future. LOL
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Old 04-17-2018, 05:33 PM
#22
 
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 7

I used to be addicted to brake fluid, but than I realized I could stop.

i also used to be afraid of elevators and now im taking the steps to avoid them.

last night i had a dream about cars... i woke up exhausted.

why are libarians so strict? they ahve to do everything by the books.

i dumped my boyfriend, he was an apostrophe, he was getting possesive.

why dont seagulls fly over the bay? because if they did they would be bagels.

i moved to sweden yesterday and dont like it much, but at least the flag's a plus


Thank you! (bows)
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Topic: Your Best Jokes - Post 'Em Here

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