Joke of the Day: 12-16-05

[IronSerif]

Test

[sidebruns]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. wow. that was hililarious.

[IronSerif]

it looks like i'm having A TON of problems posting on this site for some reason...

[sidebruns]

after 1112 of them?

[Macromedia]

iLounge is really slow for me and the page doesn't always load properly. Its annoying but I can live with it.

[mrdantownsend]

Originally posted by IronSerif
Test

:confused: i dont get it...

[enjoisoad]

Originally posted by Macromedia
iLounge is really slow for me and the page doesn't always load properly. Its annoying but I can live with it.

It's been that way off and on for me to. You gotta wait it out. There was a thread around last week or so adressing the problem. Apprently they are changing servers or something.

[IronSerif]

Yeah so all weekend long I tried to post these jokes from home...from all 3 computers too and I received the same message. Either a Bad Request (I think http 400) or page cannot be displayed.

So I'll try here from work real quick!

[IronSerif]

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was...God, I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"

"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"

"You're with the Government. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get SCREWED!

[IronSerif]

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a
tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was
her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to
allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would
give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only
to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to
unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the
step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a
little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up
easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How
dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with
you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind'a figured we was
friends."

[IronSerif]

The 5 Stages Of Drunkenness


Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on
every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything
and want to passon your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At
this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are
talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument
when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST
LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can
go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and
really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART,
so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest
person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because
you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You
can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are
still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't
matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy
drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the
BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and
everyone especially those with whom you have been betting
or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point
you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and
challenge them to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of
losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and
hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this
point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on
a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest
of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also
invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk
through the street singing at the top of your lungs because
no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART
you know all the words.


Well it looks like I can post from work just fine....

Wonder what's up at the house...

[Emultion_Rawks]

Brilliant jokes! I loved number one and two, but three was brilliant too! I think I've gotten to stage five... :D

[Macromedia]

Good to see those jokes.

[iPotm]

I don't know if this has been told or written before but here we go.


A man finds an old oil lamp on a flea market just outside San Francisco, which is where he lived all his life. He can't believe his luck when he decides, against all odds, to rub the lamp and an actual genie appears.
"A real genie!" He shouts out. "I get to get three wishes!"
"Hold on buddy," says the Genie. "I'm not like the other guys. You only get one wish from me."
The guy thinks real deep and comes to a conclusion.
"I'm afraid of boats and airplanes, but I'd like to see Hawaii every so often. I wish for a six-lane highway from here all the way to Hawaii."
"WHAT?!" says the Genie. "I can't do that! That'll take years to build! No way, I'm not gonna do that. Think of something else."
The man, kind of set back, thinks even harder.
"Well.. there is one thing I really want. I would like to understand my wife."
The Genie sighs and says, "How many lanes did you say you want?"

[Pghmyn]

HAHAHA

Great jokes man! I really enjoyed the first one that you posted about the 10 husbands...

[sidebruns]

i'm gonna go with my original reply and say that your jokes are hiliarious. i'm happy you were finally able to post them.

[adidas10254]

Finally you get the jokes up. Very funny, keep it up.

[Maxman]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Histerical jokes!